One more week.

One more week.

My 'mini retreat' is almost over but I am quite excited. The old me is starting to take over. I am so happy about it since that is my main purpose for this so-called retreat.

The pressure is on now. After hearing some good news I am very determined to do whatever it takes. Plans are out.

I hate being ridiculed. It's my turn now.

Good Luck to me anyway.

This is a nonsense post. Got nothing to say really. I stayed at home the whole day. I don't want to fail this week.

not a soul

I am not a loner, but there is something about being alone that makes me feel safe and secure. It makes me think about a lot of things good and mostly, bad memories. It feels like a retreat.

Second semester is over and it's not good but there is something about that whole mess that wants me strive hard and come back a better me. I regret a lot of things. The things that I worked so hard just loose it's grip out of my will. I can't believe it.

I find strength when i'm alone at night. My sister knows that I love her but I just don't want to be with someone in my room. It makes me weak.

I regret telling people about how I feel. This time I want to be silent and keep it to myself. I can't trust people, just can't.

I got this quote from the show Iconoclasts from Dr. Maya Angelou.

Words hurt people, no matter what the intention, it's still with words.

undeniably true.

I talked to my mom just a moment ago and seems like she want me to prove something.

I won't fail you mi. never.

I regained most of my strength. Pain indeed has a purpose.

Whatever my plan is, those I told people about. Just consider it invalid. I am unpredictable. I change my mind easily.

Now, whatever my plan is for me to know. Not a soul should know.

2008 had been great, it proves that I am always right most of the time. That my decisions are always right. I know that because when I loose grip on those, I fall apart.

Heina

Hey, I got this picture from your friendster account. Sure enough I will surely miss the empty rooms and the armchairs that sometimes would ruin our pants. The endless talks about our "visions" that makes us want to live.

Hold on.

Whenever I see you, I see a woman who wants to own not only an airline company someday but a world. A world that would identify you as someone established and ambitious. We are ambitious and the 'sixth sense' that connects us, without any hesitation we became friends because of a purpose.

You said enough. I never failed to listen and believe that you can conquer your greatest fears. Someone who is not afraid to fail and rise up again. You worked hard for everything you have right now.

Han, surely summer will not be the same without us talking and reminding about what we want.

"Visions without actions is a fantasy".

Set your wings, you want to fly? then soar high and fly.

See you soon, hanna. McDo says: You are his first love. uyyy.

almost us

It's been awhile since I have written a poem but I think I am just sincerely inspired right now to create one.
For YOU: There is something about you, makes me desperatey insane. Though I am learning my way not to think about you from this moment on. My every suffering is for mine to take, and that taking one step at a time I would make you think twice someday. :)

Warm blooded beast,

Create every bliss,

The touch of your hand,

Makes me want to understand.

The pain that never fades,

Thinking of you makes,

My every wish is to fight,

Be mine your every sight.

Every move leads me to discernment,

Full of discouragement,

Lock in my room for isolation,

Leads me to almost resurrection.

Someday we will meet again,

Feelings might begin,

I would just be contented,

Thinking about what we had ended.

The return

Dedication: For those who have changed the way I see life everyday.

I always come unnoticed, the crown at my head, the thick cash in my wallet, the volleyball player, the branded clothes I wore, the hard to get, and what else?

I have everything you can imagine although, I am not the A-list student in my class, I don't even belong to the yearly headturners list, but I know I have everything. Don't argue with me, I can prove it to you.

Yes, I do belong to one of the most known families in our town. Say the name of my dad most likely you would know who he was. I have easy access at any agencies. I don't spend hours sweating and lining up in a doctor's office just to have a medical certificate nor to wait for hours to get my driver's license. I don't have to because someone will take care of it.

I don't call each and everyday outside just to catch a cab nor a PUB ride.

I don't even have to work to get enough of the month's allowance.

I own too much. There is just something missing.

Over the years, I have kept the things others say. Things that make me who I am today more than what I even own. Isolation is my answer to my every need.

Now, I need to be the best bullet to the crowd again and again.

My stomach's grumbling. But does my pants still fit? Thank God it does.

the ghost

I saw the ghost again last night and it's been awhile.

It was the beginning of the year last 2008, when I just arrived from a Christmas vacation. When I went outside of my room I found out that I was alone and realized that it was sunday so most of my relatives are out. My arrival was a surprise, nobody knew except one.

So I decided to eat dinner but there is no food. So I guess scrambled eggs and ketchup is easy to whip then I ate. It was so silent and very creepy. Then after eating I stood up and went back inside my room.

While arranging my things I realized that my mom brought some cold meats that should be put into the fridge but when I was just standing up suddenly a cold air brushed my neck. I freezed. I turn around but no one is there. Since my folks are coming late and it's still 7:00pm.

I slept early because I will be back to school again tomorrow and my class is at 8:30am. Just minutes after I closed my eyes. I saw a lady in front of my bed. I could see her silhouette, her eyes were red and falming. I dared to ask, "What's wrong?".

She told me, "Change".

I couldn't sleep the whole night asking myself what will I change? While I was figuring it out. She was residing in my room, I was afraid. But I was used to it after a week.

I did my best. I researched learn new things, change my habits, exercised and I was glad with the results. For awhile she did not show up again and I was relieved.

After my months, I kept it up. But then after awhile I missed my old habits and brought it back again. I was like the person I never knew I would. I was just forgetting about it.

Last night I was sleeping and when I turned around she was beside me.

come clean

I woke up late; but I need to arrive early as possible for my BA46 class I have one more to go before I can be dropped from that class because of some excessive absences. During TTH we are only allowed to have 7 absences though. So I guess you know how much I had.

Yah sure.

I didn't start my 2nd semester right, I was supposed to be empowered from the semestral break but I was not. So devastating.

My thoughts are bombarded with a lot of things.

• I don't want to go to China for a vacation because I am so sick and tired being with those people it should be a family affair but it turned out to be a who-wants-to-go-come-with-us sort of vacation.
• Midterm exam for chem, A speech to persuade, Mark23 defense and grade, individual website, field work for entrep21, fine dining for pe, finance and ba46 exams, documentation for the defense, and many others.
• I haven't done reading the book from Hannah.
• I need to diet. so what will I have tomorrow?

Give me a break.