A hate day.

Gensan Day # 14.

Oh well. I had been staying in Gensan for 2 weeks already. Days are quite fast I wonder if there have been drastic changes. Goals are goals.

I already packed my things for my Manila trip today.

Anyway, I hate how people bother me with questions. I think that's why I am a girl because if I were a boy I would probably become a husband and most likely stabbed a nagging wife.

Some things you wish you never did to me:

1. Don't ask me questions like, "where are you?", "Where are you going?", "Have you eaten?", "What will you do later?".


This annoys me like big time.


2. Don't ever try to ask me who's my crush.


3. Don't force me to eat something.


4. Don't ask me, "tumaba ka lagi?" or same thing as "pumayat ka lagi?".


Oh well. trust your common sense. damn it!


5. Don't tell me to "take care of myself".


I am old enough to do it. Thank YOU!

A hate day special from me :)

I am nice, trust me.

love & lies.

Gensan Day # 13.

It's already 3 am in the morning. I am at my sister's laptop typing while at the living room they are still discussing the 2 year-old issue about the"forbidden love".

Though, I will try my best to explain things in the most brief manner.

A relative (maternal side) is drop dead in love with a cousin of mine (paternal side)

see how things got complicated.

People are trying their best not to be involve in this matter. But the moral lesson here is you can't force yourself to love somone who currently has a boyfriend and that the girl's parents disapprove of you. While your sister can't handle the embarrassment it might bring.

If your really smart, OPEN your eyes to the reality.

my sister's are hurting.

Thinking positively.

Gensan Day # 10.

I had a lazy day. as usual.

My summer vacation is getting bored and realized that plans change since I was planning to do speech and driving lessons. Though the driving lessons will push through with my uncle. My uncle insisted that I need not to learn how to drive manually because I know how to drive the automatic one since it's nothing like a toy car anyway.

Anyway, I am going to Manila this April 20.

My life will change from this moment. Speaking of law of attraction.

I can feel it :)

a long day.

Gensan Day # 9.

For the first time, I went out from our house since I arrived in General Santos City. My dad and my siblings went to a drug test center as a requirment for my sis and bro's non-professional driving license. Next stop, LTO (Land Transportation Office) for our license. My license turned from a student permit to a non-profressional one. weee! I need to practice more or else my license is as good as nothing.

We went to the DFA (Department of Foreign Affairs) for the renewal of our useless passport because I haven't travelled abroad since 2007. Anyway, I hope we won't go somewhere this December I really wanted to go to this year's Alumni Homecoming. I will trade anything for that reunion. I miss everyone. :)

After the drive thru @ Jolibee, we went home and saw my uncle since he arrived this morning.

Story telling:

We actually chatted last night for a very long time. I wonder if we'll see each other this summer. I need to preapare, and I need to suffer a bit.

I miss going to the gym. :( I think I will go to the gym as a commitment starting this May. I know a lot of my friends going back to the gym already.

Quote of the day:

"Success was never permanent, but failure was never the end".

I saw this quote while waiting for my turn in the DFA office from a guy at the back of this shirt. Well, Is God telling me something? I hope everything will be back to it's place soon. My sister said, "Chi, if I were you, ma-igo ko ana ba."

Well, I am. hehe

scared

Gensan Day # 8

Today is my mom's 43rd birthday. We didn't have any celebration but we did surprise her with a cake that my dad brought and took some photos.

My uncle is arriving tomorrow and we're planning to swim. Next week I am heading to Manila I really don't know when I'll be back. I just hope things get better. :)

I really don't know but I got so scared with a lot of things. Finally they figured out why I'd rather want to stay at home. I just wish that I'll be more discipline right now because I've been hurt way too much.

I can't believe I just let things be. For over 9 months now. I need to do something drastic. I learned a lot anyway. I should be more focus, more and more focus.

so much high school

Gensan Day #7

My aunt once said, "Prepare yourself to be somebody when your out at the crowd, you don't know who you'll encounter and it might be your last meeting".

Vanity has taken it's toll on me, while I was browsing my old high school photos I was very both disappointed and ecstatic on what I saw. Disappointed because as usual my weight doesn't seem to be consistent while ecstactic because even if I don't belong to our yearly "headturners" list I am proud to say that I look presentable no matter what.

Okay. I won't lie. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about high school even if as long as I could remember I was so excited to get out from all the pressure in high school. Everyone seem to know me, they know my family, they know I play volleyball, they know I am the 'prom queen'. They thought they know so much about me. Deep inside I am a struggling student. My routine was to go to school and go home for lunch, went back to school then after school I need to practice for volleyball until sometimes 8pm just to enhance whatever skills I had. For the weekend I need to play for volleyball competitions. I don't even listen to class, they know I had a lot of sources about people. (for those gossipers) they run to me for some juicy insights.

God knows how much I miss high school.

Everyone seems to have a motivation to live on. I do have one, of course.

I am wondering if I reached that goal how will people look at me in their new perspective on what I was back in high school.

I am sure I changed a lot. Sometimes, I am being anti-social already because I want everything to be too perfect when they see me. But it does not come often.

Day by day, all I want to do is to reach that goal again, people may get offended again, people might not understand.

I am sick not to have a hearty fare again.

breath a little.

Gensan Day # 6

People make mistakes and continually does that what makes us human because even if we commit mistakes it won't matter in the end because we are made to be doomed anyway. So, just breath out and have fun.

Lately, I felt that I have been wasting my time. God gave me a chance to straighten up my mistakes so that I could be a better me. He provided everything I ever needed to do things right and yet execution has become a problem. I am very excited to do this to cleanse myself from all emotional torture I experienced. It's been tough but "pain has a purpose".

I miss him but I had too much of him for the last 3 years of my life. It's time to breath a little and give him up for now. I know if we'll meet again I'll be someone you'll be proud of. I will surely miss the feeling that I had. For my friends who have been so patient listening to me with those High School kwento about you over and over again. Plus, the very tanga question I ask them

"Sa tingin mo may chance". Note: You can puke now. haha!

For now, I don't want to think of him as much because he really stayed in my thoughts and that my every move speaks about you. I realized that I am just like every woman out there waiting for your call.

I had always like you, the way you talk and the way we laugh when we argue. :)

I can't say that you will leave my sanctuary but I will still live for the thought that for once, you can say among every woman who wants you. I am the best.

I can still clearly remember last March 2007 I was waiting for December and we did saw each other.

While 2008 was harsh, we did not meet. But I love the way you would text me and ask me if I am in gensan. I appreciate it a lot.

Last January we met again.

Guess what?

I am looking forward for December already. I promise myself I will do something but it is for my soul to keep. No one knows.

8 months to go! See you soon :) miss you.

regenerate

Gensan Day # 4

Have you heard about cell regeneration? It starts around 10 pm to 3 am. So people should be sleeping by that time for the cells to have a regeneration or else people are more prone to cancer.

Just a bit of information. :)

We stayed at home today. Can't do any form of exercise yet until my feet are okay again. Thank God it is better now, so I can resume my exercise again to BURN BURN BURN. uh yeah. hahaha

I hope my summer ends up great. I miss him but I hope he really has something for me.

At home

Gensan Day # 3

I woke up late today due to lack of sleep for the past months and I can't sleep until around 3 or 4 am in the morning. I don't know if this is a serious case if insomnia, because I used to stay up late and I've been thinking a lot. Oh well, I'll make use of the time talking with my siblings.

We don't have anything to do today, our parents left for Cebu while pao is taking care of the business. My two other siblings are busy using our own laptops. Everyone loss our own appetites today.

There is something weird but great that I heard today. My younger sister "keta" (that's what I call her) said, "Chi, murag nabuotan lagi ka run, ga expect ko na mag-away ta like before".

I am so ecstatic to hear that. :) It seems like my 2 week retreat did something good to me.

Kick off

I finally arrived in General Santos City around 9:15 AM and my parents fetch me at the airport. We did not do anything significant for the whole afternoon but we did talked a lot.

Later that evening we decided to jog to burn calories then went to my aunt's house (SMC) to continue our exercise since their house has a large space. After that we had a long conversation with my siblings.

I will have something significant to do this summer that could change my life. Although, I was hesitant to accept it but I think my parents want me to do this because they felt that this is the best thing to do. Something I want but this will be a huge difference on me. The pressure is on again.

I have a lot to accomplish this summer. I asked God for an exciting summer. I think this is what I was asking for. :)

God, you lead the way. aja!!

Facing the truth

Today is my last night in Cebu and I am happy to say that I am showing progress since the day that I've faced the truth. There is no greater feeling that I am going back to my old habits and discipline. I have learned a lot from those mistakes and that I am changing my lifestyle and to live just one day at a time.

I miss the old me terribly. But I am seeing her soon and that this time I am not going back because I will always face the truth this time. It's just sad that I know this is a great help but I was denying what people were saying.

I am not going to let myself down this time.

When I look back on everything that has happen, I did not regret any single experience because the lesson that I gained was so much more than the hurting process.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I heard my grandma telling my aunt about the funny situation her daughter said after she saw me crying about 3 days ago. Everything just sinked in right now. She knocked at my door last night and of course she listened to me and said that she's just a text away.

I texted her around 1 AM it seems like I want to talk to her. (for the first time) but as she promised she didn't replied and we saw each other around 4pm and told me that she was asleep. To think she did not even text me or anything and now she is trying to gain my trust. NO WAY!

During our conversation she said that I should not listen to everything that people are saying which is true because I take in whatever people are saying most of the time. I should not be pressured or anything about my parents and all. She knows what is the main reason why my mom scolded me.

To be honest, I trust my mother. It always happen that at first it seems like her decisions are unreasonable but in the end it is all worth it. I should always pay attention to her because she was always right.

To my aunt. I know your intentions. Sorry but this conceited bitch you were referring is not going to let herself down again this time. For once, don't be a hypocrite! The next time your going to see me I am sure you'll hate me more.

Redeeming myself

2 days more.

It's 3:00 AM and I am not showing signs of slowing down.

I did not accomplish my 4 day challenge, I realized I am not as strong as I was back then. But I am determined to redeem what I have lost.

I am happy as of this moment because finally! I have conquered my fears. :)

lessons

countdown: 4 days left.

I just want to say Thank You to my mom, aunt annie, and my sister. To my mom, for those painful yet challenging words. My aunt, who she has come to relate with my feelings. My sister, who is my crying shoulder.

It was weird because I was anticipating for this day and that God don't want me to leave this 2 week vacation empty handed.

I was challenged again.

Everything will come to it's place. :)