My Course, My Pride

I was just looking around our department's bulletin board when I saw that TEC (The Executive Chronicle) which is our department's official publication has an essay contest entitled "My Course, My Pride". My friends thought I have a potential in writing although way back in high school I never joined contest's like this but it caught my attention so with a few encouragements from family and friends I submitted my entry.

I was tired in doing my entrep31 project and decided to lay down and look at my cellphone for messages that is when I read a text that my essay was chosen as the winner of the said essay contest. I'm thrilled. The prize for the said contest is to feature the author with the essay into the next issue of TEC and a cash prize. Not bad for a beginner, ayt? hehe.

Here is my official essay entry:

My Course, My Pride

Business for me can be viewed in two ways, based on “necessity” or by “passion”. I have been a witness of my parents’ dedication in putting and keeping up our business. Both of my parents were not business degree holders but they simply showed the ‘passion’ for doing the business without the knowledge of business theories but remained successful to give us our ‘necessities’. They refer this as “luck”. Before I finalized my decision to take up ‘Business Administration’ some people would say, ‘Business need not to be studied because the only teacher is through experience’ and I know for a fact that they have a point.

Business is a highly competitive industry. Every corner is a proof that in every advertisement there is a group of people wanting to make more profits. There is a sense of being ‘ambitious’ in taking up a business course that makes me want to learn where it all began and the first step is taking up a business related course.

Upon entering the classroom in a four cornered chamber room lays the future executives and movers of the industry. Like me, I wanted to learn about business in order to gain control over my financial fate and, more important, as the heir of the business that I will soon take over as I graduate. I want to make it clear that I was not forced to take up business, it is a personal choice. I realized I was going to embark on a journey with people who want to make it ‘big’ someday.

Businessmen need ‘connections’ which maybe their primary task in business and being good in public relations. I met people who are both ‘intellectual and emotionally intelligent’ those who are capable to learn to equip themselves with knowledge in preparation for the real battle outside the premises of the University.

In the rise of recession, I was enrolled in a business course. I soon acknowledge the fact that I could be an instrument for our country’s development. After all business is everywhere we just need another great concept to turn everything pleasant.

My professor once said, “Business is both a sport and war”. Eventually we will all be a competition on one another and I believe there no such term as “monopoly” in business right now. There is what we called “innovation”.

I did, however, know that Businessmen appeared to be taking over the world. All of which is bringing us the experience how they ran banks, businesses and, even countries with the prospect of economic enlightenment before us.

Lastly, I have no doubt that being a part of Business Administration is nothing but relevant to my future and that my real passion is Business.

We’ll get dirty, but you’ll see, we’ve learn.

loss of life

Linkin Park's "In the end" speaks a lot about life and death. In the lyrics it says, "I tried so hard and got so far, in the end it doesn't really matter". The song talked about love and trust yet that line says everything about what I was pondering on for weeks. Mind you, what I am about to write has nothing to do with love.

When we speak of death, it is the total and permanent cessation on all living organisms or simply, the person stopa breathing. Here's the thing, everybody dies because death is something that we can't hide from nor deny. The fact that we are still breathing today makes me think. "What are we here for?" this is the reason why Rick Warren wrote his book "The Purpose Driven Life". I read that book around 3 years ago and after reading the book I am still the same person before reading the book. Sadly, I was not moved by it maybe because my mindset 3 years ago does not reflect on what the book was trying to tell me.

"Death is inevitable" - we used that line in our radio commercial weeks ago and I can't help but not to forget that line because it was simple but very real. When I think about that line, I was thinking not to make anymore efforts in living since everyone is going to die in the end. But I was very foolish enough to think about that. A man is born hungry with what life has instore for him. He works hard. Conquer every fear. Make sins. But in the end, he can't carry his money in his grave nor his achievements. When he dies, he leaves. Family and friends mourn for the death making him the best human in the world. After all the attention, they slowly moved on thinking that they should live their life as well. All I know is that when you believe in God then life has a purpose. "People are people" a clothing line that talks nothing more about being mortal.

I guess, life is too short to be wasted. Benigno S. Aquino died for his belief that "Filipinos are worth dying for", Criminals die because of their faults, Suicide bombers die because he thinks that dying for his religion makes him a hero. While people who commit sucide makes it unfair for those who are terminally ill and fights for every air they can inhale. Life is unfair. So what's the point in living? You answer your own question.

After our finance class. My friends and I stayed in the classroom discussing about satanic acts, chips, and the end of the world. I was enlightened about our discussion because it makes sense that we understand that everything is temporary and that our life should be made up for God since he is the sole purpose of our existence.

As a Christian, we know that John 3:16 is the answer to our salvation. Fear not of death but to embrace it as a part of life. As one quotation says, "Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out from it alive".

So, have fun!

to unwine

Midterms is over!

My mom called and asked if I want to go to HK with them. Of course, I said "YES". We will have a break for a week (Intramurals Week) which means I can go with them and can't help it but to get excited even if this is the fourth time that i'll be on HK. Nevertheless, it's still a vacation and my mom insists to go there even if I told her to go to Beijing instead. So, i'm now in the preparation mode for Aug. 25.

This was a stressful week. I want to get away from this. Hong Kong might help. :)

room for tears

The worst lines has been said. It's almost like an eerie midnight howl but much worse.

I could not help my tears and excuse myself in the crowd. Crying is supposed to be done in isolation. You want to see yourself in the mirror not holding back a tear and finding yourself almost hysterical. There are times that you want to reach out to others but we must accept the fact that you don't own their time.

But trust me with this. You want the pain to cleanse you, renew your thoughts and understanding. Crying alone is not that bad just don't grab a rope or a knife.

I know this is a weird post. I did cry a moment ago and decided to write something about crying.

CRY

I cry because i'm in pain

Wished I was never in vain

To God, I give you my tears

Help me not turn it into fears.

(andrea lee)

a 30 second composition. haha

Anyway, I just wanna say that I had enough.

scared.

I woke up early today contemplating what should and what used to be. Unfortunately, I can't change time and time changed me before I knew it.

In most instances, I usually go with the flow because I thought if I may not please everyone I might as well not give someone a headche over pride. My principle here is not to hurt anyone verbally, if I can. I still don't consider myself as a nice girl even if majority of the people I knew says so. People who don't know me would see me as someone intimidating than nice.

Enough is enough.

Some of my early realizations was "If you can't control others mouth, you can control yourself or at least don't lose your composure". Yes. That realization is confusing to others yet very clearly laid in my mind.

Never felt this scared. -that was my facebook status.

I am not giving up. I honestly need something like this to slap me in my face. People have unconsciously hurt me verbally and I want to change this. The sad part here is that I already did but I let go. So now I am holding on to this burden almost half a year now.

I just wanna say, "you will regret what you said". :)

smarter than grade one

We had our usual spelling class that day and as expected I got a low score. I was rushing to get my paper from my teacher and grinned. My seatmate asked me with an ecstatic tone "you got zero again"? I replied, "No, I got three." and flashed a sinister smile. He did not know that was my highest grade ever in spelling. I was kinder 2 at that time. I handled failure with a smile. To be honest, I was not born with the "smartest brain" I even failed grade one once. I remember crying my heart out because I won't be with my bestfriend and I was too coy to meet new faces. My dad even talked to our late school director to give me a chance and he replied, "Transfer her to a new school". I can't thanked my dad enough for having a courage to plead for her "not-so-smart" daughter.

I did repeat grade one and I met "criticizm" at an early age. One recess time, I was looking at the bulletin board because I was trying my best to learn and be knowledgable around the campus when a guy passed behing my back to whisper to me "You're so dumb!". I was shaking with anger and told myself that I won't let anyone belittle me again.

Things have changed, though I must confessed that I am no math wiz. I think I have proven myself that even if I am not academically smart, but I am knowledgable in areas that are more important than algrebra.

The lesson here is negative criticizm can be constructive but it barely depends on us.

a lonely battle

I am seriously addicted.

The control over oneself and how easily it fell off from my tongue. It's almost a year now and things aren't smooth though freedom dominates, my humanly behavior wins. I had always believe that money won't come short for me. My parents worked hard for our benefit and we can live for years without an empty wallet. All I have to do is to take care of myself, be responsible to my siblings and never fail them as a payment for years of luxurious living though I'd rather choose simplicity my decision doesn't matter because I need to live up for what I have and how to make it work.

I had a bad morning. I woke up feeling all the pain in my back and clogged with yesteday's excess of junk. I turned off my alarm clock and slept. I missed three of my subjects this morning respectively. Regret is not in my vocabulary right now because I had so much of it for the past months. I'd rather not care. I wrote something in my notebook because I want to list down my school attendance. Honestly, I can't be absent again and making a letter to our chairman for re-admission to class scares me. I am pretty sure that I should be making one but fate is being nice to me because I am spiritually present in class which makes me ecstatic. I can't afford to be absent again, I repeat.

I grabbed a pack of skyflakes, a bottle of fit n right and later a couple of crackers in my room eating it like forever. I ran towards my closet to prepare what to wear for sembreak, for my friend's arrival and for the coming days. I felt horrible looking at myself in the mirror. I just want to starve myself just to make things right at the moment. Today, I have 25 days to shrink. I can honestly say that I can't forgive myself if I look horrible in the pictures this coming September. There is no excuse now. I already have a game plan and my exercise is very light because I hate meeting my former trainer at the gym. All I have to do is execute things well in my plan. I have to endure looking at my friends eating all those heavenly fare while I seat down with them breathing air and keeping my compsure while people staring at me. Good thing I won't pay anything not even a corkage fee for breathing air. All I need now is be mindful of following my plans and be in control of myself. I want to be back to my old self that I worked hard for. I believe with determination I'll get there. I will do whatever I can for September 4 and beyond that.

Oh, I hate how my unform fits me.

a modern hero

Upon the death of former President Corazon Aquino's death there is no more words of appreciation for the service that she did for our country. She fought for democracy after her husband Sen. Benigno S. Aquino's battle of restoring the Philippine's democracy but he was gunned down after arriving in Manila from Boston. I can help but to look for interview's and notes from him. He writes and talks with brilliance. He is someone to be proud of knowing. He did suffered a lot from being away from his family and being imprisoned. The thought that he will die for his country makes him felt dignified than without even trying. His muderer is still in question right now but the assassination was well laid out. He wore a bullet-proof jacket and confessed in an interview that he can't do anything if he was shot in the head. He knew his fate. Obviously, we know who wants him dead. I just want to share a poem that he wrote. again, he is brilliant.

"The Candle of my life"

Lit, Light, Melt, Mold to Light Again
This poem of Ninoy was part of an old newspaper that I have excavated from the shelf in the office. One of the collections of by previous boss who was diagnosed with bone and lung cancer but died through cardiac arrest after recuperating from his chemo.
So short, so simple, yet the thoughts piercing through the deepest nerve of our hearts and the bones of the tyrants.
Showcased patriotism, fight for freedom and liberty from oppression and tyranny.
The love, hope and aspirations. Not only because the a candle can light the darkest night but most of all after being melted the hope to be molded again to light the dark never perish.


I am burning the candle of my life
in the dark with no one to benefit
from its light,
The candle slowly melts away
soon its wick will be burned out,
and the light is gone!
If someone will only gather
the melted wax, reshape it,
give it a new wick
for another fleeting moment
my candle can once again
light the dark
be of service
one more time
and then
Good-bye

The real corpse of Michael Jackson

Disclaimer: I do not claim that this article is true. I posted this article just to share some information that I got from the web.

Since Michael Jackson's Death, there have been speculations that he only faked his own death just to grab global attention for his upcoming concert in a year or two when he is already well rested and ready to perform. This rumor has not been addressed as true. I have been searching the web for the latest headlines about him that I stumbled into this very 'mysterious' and 'disturbing' article. - andrea l.

source: http://michaelsnotdead.com/

SANTA BARBARA, CA—During a search for evidence at the Neverland Valley Ranch, investigators discovered a corpse that has been identified as that of Michael Jackson, Santa Barbara police officials announced Tuesday.“Coroners have officially pronounced Michael Jackson dead. From what we can tell, he died between 18 and 20 years ago,” forensic investigator Tim Holbrooke said. “We are not certain, at this time, who—or what—has been standing trial in that Santa Maria courthouse.”

According to Holbrooke, Jackson’s corpse was buried just inches below a stretch of the miniature-train tracks that run throughout Neverland. The largely desiccated corpse wore the remains of a red, zipper-covered leather jacket and a single glove.“We positively identified the body as Jackson by his dental records and DNA,” Holbrooke said. “But even before we conducted a single forensic test, we began to suspect that that we’d uncovered the real Michael, and that the disturbing figure claiming to be Jackson was a fake.”Holbrooke said that, although the corpse was in an advanced stage of decomposition, when investigators compared the body to early-career publicity photos of Jackson, they saw a striking resemblance in bone structure and facial features. But when they compared the body to photos taken after 1987, the resemblance was negligible.“This discovery raises a lot of questions, but it also sheds light on a number of disturbing incidents,” Holbrooke said. “Frankly, Jackson had been acting pretty strange.”

Forensic experts and music critics are postulating that Jackson was dead before the release of the multi-platinum album Bad. Detectives are currently analyzing the lyrics to “Man In The Mirror” for any clues relating to a look-alike entity that many suspect murdered the youngest member of the Jackson 5 and assumed his identity.“We believe that Neverland served as some sort of freakishly whimsical tomb constructed by Jackson’s killer,” Holbrooke said. “We also suspect that all of the iniquities that occurred on that ranch were the work of the imposter.

I wouldn’t have ever thought it possible, but we are looking at a situation where the sexual abuse of a 13-year-old cancer patient is the tip of the iceberg.”Holbrooke said that, while the living Jackson is the leading suspect in the murder investigation, he “could be another victim of some sort.”“Basically, we have no idea what type of creature we are dealing with,” Holbrooke said.

A member of the investigative team that discovered Jackson’s body described the experience as “otherworldly.”“As we neared the perimeter of Neverland, the dogs started whining and howling like crazy,” Santa Barbara County detective Frank Poeller said. “We had to pull them into the house. When we got to Jackson’s bedroom, one of them almost choked himself to death on his leash trying to get out through the window. Minutes later, the same dog led us to the corpse.”

A representative from Jackson’s self-created label, MJJ Productions, said he was not surprised to find out that the current Jackson is an imposter.“When we were recording ‘Heal The World’ for Dangerous, I could tell something was terribly, terribly wrong,” MJJ manager Luke Allard said. “Michael didn’t seem like himself anymore. He’d demand bizarre food and sit for hours in a hyperbaric chamber.

His appearance began to become more and more peculiar. Soon afterwards, he started wearing a mask and confiding in a chimpanzee.”“I remember thinking, ‘This man has become a monster,’” Allard said. “If only I’d known how right I was.”Allard said he thinks that the imposter broke ties with Jackson’s former friends and surrounded himself with children who were too young to notice the radical change.

Vanity Fair reporter Beth Pither visited Neverland in 1994.“A strangely fearful staff member led me to Jackson, but ran off before I opened the door,” Pither said. “Standing there with my hand on an ice-cold doorknob, I heard strange, unnatural sounds—leathery wings flapping, a sorrowful wail, and loud hissing. A wave of dread passed through me as I opened the door, but all I found was Michael and some kids in pajamas eating ice cream and watching 101 Dalmatians.”

While their claims have not been corroborated, other Neverland visitors have reported that when Jackson entered a room, lights flickered, faucets ran blood-red, and screams escaped from the walls. To aid in the investigation, the FBI enlisted Dr. Richard Weingarden, a noted expert on the paranormal from UC Santa Barbara. After only two hours, Weingarden abandoned the project. “The smell of sulfur, the decaying facial features, the bizarrely high-pitched voice—it sounds exactly like…” Weingarden said, trailing off. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Not a big deal. Nothing to be terrified about, certainly. I have to go. I’ve got a family.

”Thomas Sneddon, the prosecutor in Jackson’s child-molestation lawsuit, said it remains to be seen how the shocking discovery will affect the trial. Megan Gustafson, who left her post as president of the Akron, OH Michael Jackson Fan Club after the singer was accused of molestation, offered a positive view of the grisly revelation. “This is very disturbing news,” Gustafson said. “But to be honest, it’s kind of a relief too. Thriller and Off The Wall are really amazing records. Now I can pull them out of my ‘ruined by child abuse’ storage bin and start listening to them again.

The Dance

"CONSCIOUSNESS EXPRESSES ITSELF THROUGH CREATION. THIS WORLD WE LIVE IN IS THE DANCE OF THE CREATOR. DANCERS COME AND GO IN THE TWINKLING OF AN EYE, BUT THE DANCE LIVES ON. ON MANY OCCASSION WHEN I AM DANCING, I FELT TOUCHED BY SOMETHING SACRED. IN THOSE MOMENTS, I FELT MY SPIRIT SOAR AND BECOME ONE WITH EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS.

I BECOME THE STARS AND THE MOON. I BECOME THE LOVER AND THE BELOVED. I BECOME THE VICTOR AND THE VANQUISHED. I BECOME THE MASTER AND THE SLAVE. I BECOME THE SINGER AND THE SONG. I BECOME THE KNOWER AND THE KNOWN. I KEEP ON ANCING... THEN IT IS THE ETERNAL DANCE OF CREATION. THE CREATOR AND THE CREATION MERGE INTO ONE WHOLENESSOF JOY. I KEEP ON DANCING...AND DANCING...AND DANCING. UNTIL THERE IS ONLY... THE DANCE."

BY: MJJ.

(DANGEROUS ALBUM)

Michael Jackson still alive? *updated version

This might be the biggest hoax in the entire world, if this is really true. I have been thinking about this as well. It will benefit him and will earn more if he's dead than alive. He told Martin Bashir "I want to live forever". Who doesn't?

I have questions about his death.

Where are his dead pictures? so far I only saw one and it was said that it was someone who went into surgery to look like him and was terminally ill.

Where is Dr. Conrad Murray? He's with Michael until his death though he promised an interview there is no interview available yet.

Why does the second autopsy result takes several weeks to come out? There isno difference with the first autopsy and the toxicology result. He has several physical tests before his concert and he was fit to do the concert. Michael is very health conscious about his health and has a medical team. So why die all of a sudden?

When is his funeral? It seems like they don't have any plans of burying him.

Articles are sprawing but television news is not touching that news yet. In fact, say sources in a position to know, the superstar faked his death to escape the crushing pressures of life in a fishbowl -and he is now socked away in an undisclosed location in Eastern Europe – possibly Hungary – far from the clamor and commotion of paparazzi and reporters covering his “autopsy” and “funeral” in southern California.

Just days after Michael Jackson died, rumours are flooding the internet that he faked his own death. Thousands of fans have been logging onto websites to join wacky conspiracy theories that the singer is still alive and is just getting ready to make a spectacular comeback. One website released a photo three days after the singer's death claiming that he is alive.

Another says the singer has been planning this for a year-and-a-half and is now in hiding in eastern Europe. However, there is no proof to back these claims, reports the Sun. Another site has released a photo it claims is of Jackson, insisting that the man who died on Thursday was the singer's body double with a terminal illness whose family will be looked after in return and in the strangest twist of all, say the insiders, once he's rested and ready, Jackson, 50, will blow the lid off his own hoax - and embark on the most spectacularly lucrative concert tour in the history of rock 'n' roll.

"Michael is following in the footsteps of a man he greatly admired - another rock icon, Elvis Presley, who also faked his death and is still alive, and in hiding, today," William Stern, who has written extensively on Presley, told me exclusively."Unlike Elvis, however, Michael is withdrawing from his celebrity before it destroys him. And he also is planning, once he has rested and regrouped, to stage a comeback unlike anything in rock history. (Remember Michael married Elvis' daughter).

Stern’s sources say Jackson has been planning his escape for at least 16 months, but nobody, not even those who are closest to him, took him seriously, the expert said, “until now.”
“It’s unclear where he has gone – he mentioned South America, Canada, Russia, Kenya, Japan and Australia over the past year … all smokescreens, no doubt,” continued Stern.

“The best information I have suggests he is in Eastern Europe, in a medieval castle, possibly in Hungary. Right now, my sources are saying, ‘Leave him alone. Let him rest. Give him time.’ “They say that fans can help him recover by showing their love and respect for him. They say, ‘You better believe he is watching all the coverage.’ And they say fans can give Michael a boost by flashing peace signs to cameras – like he was famous for doing – and telling reporters they know he is alive.’”

"Make no mistake, Jackson is a genius, both as a performer and as and showman and marketer and promoter. Remember when he made an offer to buy the remains of The Elephant Man from a British museum just to get the publicity?

"Remember when he reputedly was trying to find a way to live forever by spending hours in a hyperbaric chamber? "If you look at his history, at some of the stunts he's pulled to keep himself in the public eye, to maintain a sense of mystery about who he is and what he's all about, the idea that he would fake his death makes sense.

"Let's face it - Michael has been vilified by many in the press and by people who just don't like him. He's been accused of pedophilia. He's been called 'Wacko Jacko' and a 'Pop Weirdo'.

"Yes, he's got billions of fans. Yes, he's sold perhaps a billion records and CDs. But for all the love he gets, there are those who have been and continue to be unkind, and mean-spirited. I'll make you a bet. If it takes six months, if it takes a year, if it takes two years, it doesn't matter: When he's rested and ready, and pulls the curtain up on his faked death, the world is going to stand
still.

"With all due respect to the President of United States, Michael on a 'Back from the Dead Tour' will make Barack Obama look like a B-List celebrity."

sources :

http://derekclontz.wordpress.com/2009/06/29/michael-jackson-faked-his-death-say-sources-with-comeback-tour-to-be-biggest-ever/

a response : to NY rep. salacious statement

I was searching through Yahoo! when I saw that a New York representative Peter King recently uploaded a video on Youtube against the late 'Michael Jackson' saying that he was a pedophile, molester, and a 'low life'. He was saying that media is focusing too much on his death and too much 'glory' is raised upon Michael Jackson.

My response:

Michael Jackson is a public figure. Everyone wants anything there is to know about him especially his sudden death. Although everyone has the right to freedom of speech, it is a very sensitive thing to judge a person you don't even know personally. He was free from those charges, and "money" is the main objective of his accusers.

He finds joy in children and helping many charities. He said that he never had a childhood and by seeing children having fun which he never experienced makes him happy. He was awarded the Guiness Book of Records Award of 'most charities supported by a Pop Star'. After all his concert proceeds donated to charities, I don't think he'll be that dumb to be sexual with those young boys.

I saw a Youtube video about Michael explaining to the public about his 1993 molestation charges. He was given a warrant to allow them to photograph his 'private parts' or else he will be charged as guilty. He allow them to take pictures and was not satisfied so they took more photos. He let them do this because on the child's statement the child said that he saw white blotches on his 'private parts'. (Michael Jackson had vitiligo, a skin disease) Even if it was very humiliating for him, he still did it just to prove the public that he is not guilty. Poor Michael, he don't deserve all those charges.

Rep. Peter King got his dose of fame but not long.

Michael Jackson: spotlight and fire

Michael Joseph Jackson ( 1958-2009 )

Disclaimer: Everthing written here is based from articles that I have read and various interviews that I watched. I am not here to admit nor deny any rumor against the late Michael Jackson. Nothing in this article is copy-pasted.

I don't usually check my facebook just right before going to school but I did last June 26, and there I saw my friend's status stating that "Michael Jackson is dead".

then I arrived a little late than usual in my marketing class, there our teacher repeated, "Michael Jackson is dead" and another classmate commented saying he is the "King of Gay", I could just choke her up. I flashed a sinster smile.

I did not respond well during the class discussion and maybe troubled for the said headline of the day that maybe "he is dead".

After I heard the news, I was eager to know him better.

I spent my spare time watching he how he revolutionized music videos, learned more about the Jackson Family, Jackson 5 and, his abusive childhood cause by his father which he revealed during his interview with Oprah Winfrey way back 1993.

He started to use painkillers after he burned his scalp during a Pepsi Commercial 1984. He was addicted to using such drugs in order for him to cope with his legal cases against him with Child molestation which he was free from charges. It was also said that he paid the parents of the boys to deny statements. Which I think is the main goals of the parents is to get money from him. Gavin Arvizo, said statements that Michael was being intimate after looking so happy and innocent during the documentary by Martin Bashir "Living with Michael Jackson". He reportedly had insomnia and that media scrutiny kept him awake and the use of prescription drugs came to the scene.

He has two marriages, one is to Elvis Presley's daughter 'Lisa Marie Presley' that lasted not more than two years which is said to be 'fake' by Michael's sister 'La Toya Jackson' but later retracted saying that she was forced by former husband 'Jack Gordon'. The other marriage is from his dermatologists' nurse 'Debbie Rowe' whom he met in the early 80's during his battle of a skin disorder 'vitiligo' which caused his skin to whiten and in that union resulted "Prince Michael I" and "Paris Michael" after the separation Debbie Rowe surrendered all her parental rights and was paid $8.7 million. She later said that Michael was not the biological father and it was by an anonymous donor. Michael also has another son via surrogacy "Prince Michael II". There are also claims that he was in a relationship with young men.

Michael was also obsessively weighing himself. In his 5'10 frame he only weighs 110 pounds. He was a vegan. There are speculations that he had a diet consisting biscuits, gravy and painkillers. Which they refer him as "manorexia". He also had rhinoplasty. He only admitted to have 2 plastic sugeries and others were denied.

He loves kids so much and he established "Heal our world foundation" and every third week of the month he let the sick and deprived kids to his home the "Neverland Ranch" which he gave up in 2004 and was sold for $37 million. He did nothing to harm any children and also the "balcony incident" in Berlin were he instantly showed the 7 month old "Prince Michael II also known as Blanket" to the screaming fans. He said, he did that because fans want to see his new baby.

He also covered his children with masks or scarves to protect their identity. In an article, his kids were polite, well-mannered and sweet. He also put his kids on a diet, he is scared they will end up like their mom and is said to be weighed four times a day.

As for the Oxygen Chamber and the Elephant Man, he said it was a fabricated story.

Nevertheless, he was Michael Jackson, from this young boy in the Jackson 5 into this legendary superstar and his music will live through. He has 197 major awards, sold out concerts, helped charities, broke any record there is. He is just phemonmenal and he dearly loved his fans.

Like any fan, I couldn't care less about negative things said about him.

Although I was born later of 89. I still knew who he was I am deaf if I hadn't heard of 'Billie Jean' and the famous 'Thriller'. For all I know I was a discreet fan throughout my childhood years, and upon his death I came out in the open to revive my existence.

The 'Billie Jean' performance in Motown 25 is still the best performance I saw so far. The way he moonwalked, it is still giving me goosebumps.

Though, his death reamained questionable. His second autopsy test will be out in several weeks while his father Joe Jackson asked for a third autopsy and believed that his son was 'poisoned'.

There was an auction of his things on 'Neverland' by Julie Auction House' but they were not pushed through because he filed for a law suit stating that those were "priceless and irreplacebale". He was right. 21 items were sold before his death but 'Julien Auction House' claimed that it was his friends collection but the friend denied allegations.

Let's just applaud his amazing talent and condemn his significant faults, and then get back to our lives.

Rest in peace, MJ.

In Memory of the 'King of Pop'.

almost over

When everything is doing great, the past haunts back to realize what you have gone through. I am were I should be right now. Hope you too. :)

....summer is so close. close to the Finish Line.

the desire

Life becomes less exciting during the summer time and hates how the pressure overtakes during school time. I can still remember the day where I was thinking of what to do during the summer and how the love-hate relationship I had with planning. Well, goals are goals I may not reach the 'perfect' image I had in mind on time but I am not stopping, not anytime soon that's for sure.

I had many realizations as usual, that whatever pain that is taking place right now is because of us. We are the one's who control of the pain and happiness that we feel. I just want to enjoy my 3rd year that no regrets will haunt my peaceful mind. I know I am capable of being a happy and contented person and that is what I am going to do.

Even if I am already in college I hate how I am still thinking about high school too much. Like the way I should have looked in high school, my mistakes, the things I should have done, the memories that will last, and lastly, the guy I have been missing so much..

While I am taking my time here in Manila I was looking at people thinking who his friends be and even who the girl he might like here. This sounds so insane. I know. But I can't help it.

He said, he's just a text away. So I did the most couragous thing I can do. But I failed.

I want to live right now, using the time that I have. My vision will take place.

For sure, I am not dying any soon.

A hate day.

Gensan Day # 14.

Oh well. I had been staying in Gensan for 2 weeks already. Days are quite fast I wonder if there have been drastic changes. Goals are goals.

I already packed my things for my Manila trip today.

Anyway, I hate how people bother me with questions. I think that's why I am a girl because if I were a boy I would probably become a husband and most likely stabbed a nagging wife.

Some things you wish you never did to me:

1. Don't ask me questions like, "where are you?", "Where are you going?", "Have you eaten?", "What will you do later?".


This annoys me like big time.


2. Don't ever try to ask me who's my crush.


3. Don't force me to eat something.


4. Don't ask me, "tumaba ka lagi?" or same thing as "pumayat ka lagi?".


Oh well. trust your common sense. damn it!


5. Don't tell me to "take care of myself".


I am old enough to do it. Thank YOU!

A hate day special from me :)

I am nice, trust me.

love & lies.

Gensan Day # 13.

It's already 3 am in the morning. I am at my sister's laptop typing while at the living room they are still discussing the 2 year-old issue about the"forbidden love".

Though, I will try my best to explain things in the most brief manner.

A relative (maternal side) is drop dead in love with a cousin of mine (paternal side)

see how things got complicated.

People are trying their best not to be involve in this matter. But the moral lesson here is you can't force yourself to love somone who currently has a boyfriend and that the girl's parents disapprove of you. While your sister can't handle the embarrassment it might bring.

If your really smart, OPEN your eyes to the reality.

my sister's are hurting.

Thinking positively.

Gensan Day # 10.

I had a lazy day. as usual.

My summer vacation is getting bored and realized that plans change since I was planning to do speech and driving lessons. Though the driving lessons will push through with my uncle. My uncle insisted that I need not to learn how to drive manually because I know how to drive the automatic one since it's nothing like a toy car anyway.

Anyway, I am going to Manila this April 20.

My life will change from this moment. Speaking of law of attraction.

I can feel it :)

a long day.

Gensan Day # 9.

For the first time, I went out from our house since I arrived in General Santos City. My dad and my siblings went to a drug test center as a requirment for my sis and bro's non-professional driving license. Next stop, LTO (Land Transportation Office) for our license. My license turned from a student permit to a non-profressional one. weee! I need to practice more or else my license is as good as nothing.

We went to the DFA (Department of Foreign Affairs) for the renewal of our useless passport because I haven't travelled abroad since 2007. Anyway, I hope we won't go somewhere this December I really wanted to go to this year's Alumni Homecoming. I will trade anything for that reunion. I miss everyone. :)

After the drive thru @ Jolibee, we went home and saw my uncle since he arrived this morning.

Story telling:

We actually chatted last night for a very long time. I wonder if we'll see each other this summer. I need to preapare, and I need to suffer a bit.

I miss going to the gym. :( I think I will go to the gym as a commitment starting this May. I know a lot of my friends going back to the gym already.

Quote of the day:

"Success was never permanent, but failure was never the end".

I saw this quote while waiting for my turn in the DFA office from a guy at the back of this shirt. Well, Is God telling me something? I hope everything will be back to it's place soon. My sister said, "Chi, if I were you, ma-igo ko ana ba."

Well, I am. hehe

scared

Gensan Day # 8

Today is my mom's 43rd birthday. We didn't have any celebration but we did surprise her with a cake that my dad brought and took some photos.

My uncle is arriving tomorrow and we're planning to swim. Next week I am heading to Manila I really don't know when I'll be back. I just hope things get better. :)

I really don't know but I got so scared with a lot of things. Finally they figured out why I'd rather want to stay at home. I just wish that I'll be more discipline right now because I've been hurt way too much.

I can't believe I just let things be. For over 9 months now. I need to do something drastic. I learned a lot anyway. I should be more focus, more and more focus.

so much high school

Gensan Day #7

My aunt once said, "Prepare yourself to be somebody when your out at the crowd, you don't know who you'll encounter and it might be your last meeting".

Vanity has taken it's toll on me, while I was browsing my old high school photos I was very both disappointed and ecstatic on what I saw. Disappointed because as usual my weight doesn't seem to be consistent while ecstactic because even if I don't belong to our yearly "headturners" list I am proud to say that I look presentable no matter what.

Okay. I won't lie. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about high school even if as long as I could remember I was so excited to get out from all the pressure in high school. Everyone seem to know me, they know my family, they know I play volleyball, they know I am the 'prom queen'. They thought they know so much about me. Deep inside I am a struggling student. My routine was to go to school and go home for lunch, went back to school then after school I need to practice for volleyball until sometimes 8pm just to enhance whatever skills I had. For the weekend I need to play for volleyball competitions. I don't even listen to class, they know I had a lot of sources about people. (for those gossipers) they run to me for some juicy insights.

God knows how much I miss high school.

Everyone seems to have a motivation to live on. I do have one, of course.

I am wondering if I reached that goal how will people look at me in their new perspective on what I was back in high school.

I am sure I changed a lot. Sometimes, I am being anti-social already because I want everything to be too perfect when they see me. But it does not come often.

Day by day, all I want to do is to reach that goal again, people may get offended again, people might not understand.

I am sick not to have a hearty fare again.

breath a little.

Gensan Day # 6

People make mistakes and continually does that what makes us human because even if we commit mistakes it won't matter in the end because we are made to be doomed anyway. So, just breath out and have fun.

Lately, I felt that I have been wasting my time. God gave me a chance to straighten up my mistakes so that I could be a better me. He provided everything I ever needed to do things right and yet execution has become a problem. I am very excited to do this to cleanse myself from all emotional torture I experienced. It's been tough but "pain has a purpose".

I miss him but I had too much of him for the last 3 years of my life. It's time to breath a little and give him up for now. I know if we'll meet again I'll be someone you'll be proud of. I will surely miss the feeling that I had. For my friends who have been so patient listening to me with those High School kwento about you over and over again. Plus, the very tanga question I ask them

"Sa tingin mo may chance". Note: You can puke now. haha!

For now, I don't want to think of him as much because he really stayed in my thoughts and that my every move speaks about you. I realized that I am just like every woman out there waiting for your call.

I had always like you, the way you talk and the way we laugh when we argue. :)

I can't say that you will leave my sanctuary but I will still live for the thought that for once, you can say among every woman who wants you. I am the best.

I can still clearly remember last March 2007 I was waiting for December and we did saw each other.

While 2008 was harsh, we did not meet. But I love the way you would text me and ask me if I am in gensan. I appreciate it a lot.

Last January we met again.

Guess what?

I am looking forward for December already. I promise myself I will do something but it is for my soul to keep. No one knows.

8 months to go! See you soon :) miss you.

regenerate

Gensan Day # 4

Have you heard about cell regeneration? It starts around 10 pm to 3 am. So people should be sleeping by that time for the cells to have a regeneration or else people are more prone to cancer.

Just a bit of information. :)

We stayed at home today. Can't do any form of exercise yet until my feet are okay again. Thank God it is better now, so I can resume my exercise again to BURN BURN BURN. uh yeah. hahaha

I hope my summer ends up great. I miss him but I hope he really has something for me.

At home

Gensan Day # 3

I woke up late today due to lack of sleep for the past months and I can't sleep until around 3 or 4 am in the morning. I don't know if this is a serious case if insomnia, because I used to stay up late and I've been thinking a lot. Oh well, I'll make use of the time talking with my siblings.

We don't have anything to do today, our parents left for Cebu while pao is taking care of the business. My two other siblings are busy using our own laptops. Everyone loss our own appetites today.

There is something weird but great that I heard today. My younger sister "keta" (that's what I call her) said, "Chi, murag nabuotan lagi ka run, ga expect ko na mag-away ta like before".

I am so ecstatic to hear that. :) It seems like my 2 week retreat did something good to me.

Kick off

I finally arrived in General Santos City around 9:15 AM and my parents fetch me at the airport. We did not do anything significant for the whole afternoon but we did talked a lot.

Later that evening we decided to jog to burn calories then went to my aunt's house (SMC) to continue our exercise since their house has a large space. After that we had a long conversation with my siblings.

I will have something significant to do this summer that could change my life. Although, I was hesitant to accept it but I think my parents want me to do this because they felt that this is the best thing to do. Something I want but this will be a huge difference on me. The pressure is on again.

I have a lot to accomplish this summer. I asked God for an exciting summer. I think this is what I was asking for. :)

God, you lead the way. aja!!

Facing the truth

Today is my last night in Cebu and I am happy to say that I am showing progress since the day that I've faced the truth. There is no greater feeling that I am going back to my old habits and discipline. I have learned a lot from those mistakes and that I am changing my lifestyle and to live just one day at a time.

I miss the old me terribly. But I am seeing her soon and that this time I am not going back because I will always face the truth this time. It's just sad that I know this is a great help but I was denying what people were saying.

I am not going to let myself down this time.

When I look back on everything that has happen, I did not regret any single experience because the lesson that I gained was so much more than the hurting process.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I heard my grandma telling my aunt about the funny situation her daughter said after she saw me crying about 3 days ago. Everything just sinked in right now. She knocked at my door last night and of course she listened to me and said that she's just a text away.

I texted her around 1 AM it seems like I want to talk to her. (for the first time) but as she promised she didn't replied and we saw each other around 4pm and told me that she was asleep. To think she did not even text me or anything and now she is trying to gain my trust. NO WAY!

During our conversation she said that I should not listen to everything that people are saying which is true because I take in whatever people are saying most of the time. I should not be pressured or anything about my parents and all. She knows what is the main reason why my mom scolded me.

To be honest, I trust my mother. It always happen that at first it seems like her decisions are unreasonable but in the end it is all worth it. I should always pay attention to her because she was always right.

To my aunt. I know your intentions. Sorry but this conceited bitch you were referring is not going to let herself down again this time. For once, don't be a hypocrite! The next time your going to see me I am sure you'll hate me more.

Redeeming myself

2 days more.

It's 3:00 AM and I am not showing signs of slowing down.

I did not accomplish my 4 day challenge, I realized I am not as strong as I was back then. But I am determined to redeem what I have lost.

I am happy as of this moment because finally! I have conquered my fears. :)

lessons

countdown: 4 days left.

I just want to say Thank You to my mom, aunt annie, and my sister. To my mom, for those painful yet challenging words. My aunt, who she has come to relate with my feelings. My sister, who is my crying shoulder.

It was weird because I was anticipating for this day and that God don't want me to leave this 2 week vacation empty handed.

I was challenged again.

Everything will come to it's place. :)

One more week.

One more week.

My 'mini retreat' is almost over but I am quite excited. The old me is starting to take over. I am so happy about it since that is my main purpose for this so-called retreat.

The pressure is on now. After hearing some good news I am very determined to do whatever it takes. Plans are out.

I hate being ridiculed. It's my turn now.

Good Luck to me anyway.

This is a nonsense post. Got nothing to say really. I stayed at home the whole day. I don't want to fail this week.

not a soul

I am not a loner, but there is something about being alone that makes me feel safe and secure. It makes me think about a lot of things good and mostly, bad memories. It feels like a retreat.

Second semester is over and it's not good but there is something about that whole mess that wants me strive hard and come back a better me. I regret a lot of things. The things that I worked so hard just loose it's grip out of my will. I can't believe it.

I find strength when i'm alone at night. My sister knows that I love her but I just don't want to be with someone in my room. It makes me weak.

I regret telling people about how I feel. This time I want to be silent and keep it to myself. I can't trust people, just can't.

I got this quote from the show Iconoclasts from Dr. Maya Angelou.

Words hurt people, no matter what the intention, it's still with words.

undeniably true.

I talked to my mom just a moment ago and seems like she want me to prove something.

I won't fail you mi. never.

I regained most of my strength. Pain indeed has a purpose.

Whatever my plan is, those I told people about. Just consider it invalid. I am unpredictable. I change my mind easily.

Now, whatever my plan is for me to know. Not a soul should know.

2008 had been great, it proves that I am always right most of the time. That my decisions are always right. I know that because when I loose grip on those, I fall apart.

Heina

Hey, I got this picture from your friendster account. Sure enough I will surely miss the empty rooms and the armchairs that sometimes would ruin our pants. The endless talks about our "visions" that makes us want to live.

Hold on.

Whenever I see you, I see a woman who wants to own not only an airline company someday but a world. A world that would identify you as someone established and ambitious. We are ambitious and the 'sixth sense' that connects us, without any hesitation we became friends because of a purpose.

You said enough. I never failed to listen and believe that you can conquer your greatest fears. Someone who is not afraid to fail and rise up again. You worked hard for everything you have right now.

Han, surely summer will not be the same without us talking and reminding about what we want.

"Visions without actions is a fantasy".

Set your wings, you want to fly? then soar high and fly.

See you soon, hanna. McDo says: You are his first love. uyyy.

almost us

It's been awhile since I have written a poem but I think I am just sincerely inspired right now to create one.
For YOU: There is something about you, makes me desperatey insane. Though I am learning my way not to think about you from this moment on. My every suffering is for mine to take, and that taking one step at a time I would make you think twice someday. :)

Warm blooded beast,

Create every bliss,

The touch of your hand,

Makes me want to understand.

The pain that never fades,

Thinking of you makes,

My every wish is to fight,

Be mine your every sight.

Every move leads me to discernment,

Full of discouragement,

Lock in my room for isolation,

Leads me to almost resurrection.

Someday we will meet again,

Feelings might begin,

I would just be contented,

Thinking about what we had ended.

The return

Dedication: For those who have changed the way I see life everyday.

I always come unnoticed, the crown at my head, the thick cash in my wallet, the volleyball player, the branded clothes I wore, the hard to get, and what else?

I have everything you can imagine although, I am not the A-list student in my class, I don't even belong to the yearly headturners list, but I know I have everything. Don't argue with me, I can prove it to you.

Yes, I do belong to one of the most known families in our town. Say the name of my dad most likely you would know who he was. I have easy access at any agencies. I don't spend hours sweating and lining up in a doctor's office just to have a medical certificate nor to wait for hours to get my driver's license. I don't have to because someone will take care of it.

I don't call each and everyday outside just to catch a cab nor a PUB ride.

I don't even have to work to get enough of the month's allowance.

I own too much. There is just something missing.

Over the years, I have kept the things others say. Things that make me who I am today more than what I even own. Isolation is my answer to my every need.

Now, I need to be the best bullet to the crowd again and again.

My stomach's grumbling. But does my pants still fit? Thank God it does.